Manly As Fuck

Why I Am So Vocal About Gay Rights and Women's Rights

The main reason is because no one would expect me to be. I am a very large, very Black, cis gender, heterosexual, man, 6’5” tall, 250lbs, with muscle. I boxed and kickboxed professionally. I write the most graphic, extreme, horrific horror stories that more often than not contain sexual assault and sexual violence against women (and men). I am not the guy most people would expect to identify as a feminist or an LGBTQ+ ally. 

I am not the guy one would expect to have close gay and trans friends. I am not the guy one would expect to speak up when those friends are attacked on social media or elsewhere. I am exactly the type of guy one would expect to side with the self-proclaimed “Alpha males”, the homophobes, transphobes, anti-feminist fuckboys, and chauvinists. And that's why it's so important for guys like me to speak up and speak out.

If the only people you ever heard or saw speaking up for Women's Rights were other women and the type of guys the dudebros refer to as “cucks” and “soy boys”, that might lend support to these Neanderthal's and trogolodyte's opinion that “real men” don't or shouldn't support feminism or gay rights. If you never saw jocks or bodybuilders or fighters or rugged outdoorsmen or guys who looked like they'd mug the neighborhood policeman, defending women or gays you might get the impression being anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-trans, anti-queer, and woke-phobic was the natural state of man. That any type of empathy or sensitivity, openmindedness or acceptance, was somehow not masculine.

When other guys see a guy who looks like me, and with my background, speaking up for the validity of the “Me-too” movement, or against toxic masculinity, or explaining why so many women would choose the bear over the man, or shutting down homophobic bigots on Facebook or hugging a trans woman and telling her she's beautiful, it just hits different than if it's coming from a 150lb dude with long hair and a tie-dyed t-shirt. And that’s not a knock against skinny guys with long hair and tie-dyed shirts. I'm just saying it's a different vibe and gets a different response, right or wrong. That's why we have to break the stereotype that a “man's man” has to be an insensitive asshole.

So many men have outdated and toxic views of masculinity, femininity, gender, and sexuality, tying one's manhood to arbitrary, nonsensical, and often unhealthy bullshit. 

“Real men aren't vegans!” 

I have bounced back and forth between vegan, paleo, and keto for years. 

“Real men don't care about the environment!” 

I was a member of the Sierra Club in my youth and am a huge advocate for animal rights, sustainable energy, and emissions reduction. 

“Real men love beer and drink hard alcohol!”

I hate beer, and rarely drink alcohol. The two or three times a year you might see me with a cocktail in my hand, it probably has umbrellas and fruit in it.

“Real men love guns!” 

I own two shotguns only because everyone else around me has a gun and I don't want to be the guy bringing a knife to a gunfight. I would be perfectly content if no one had one. I don't love them and would gladly part with mine to save a child’s life. 

“Real men hunt and fish!”

I see nothing manly about shooting a defenseless animal. Give them guns too and maybe. And fishing? Really? Sitting in a boat, drinking beer all day, staring at the water? Pass.

“Real men love sports!”

I absolutely abhor team sports. I can imagine few things more boring than watching grown men play with balls. I only love combat sports. I could care less how far, how fast, or how accurately you can throw a ball. Can you kick my ass? I'd rather be dipped in shit than watch the Super Bowl, or the World Series, or the NBA Playoffs.

“Real men don't cook or clean!”

Sorry, cooking is one of my absolute favorite things to do, and I'm damn good at it. Housework has no gender.

“Real men don't talk about their feelings!”

And that's why we have more heart attacks and commit suicide more than women. That's why I write about my feelings all over social media and in my books.

“Real men don't wear pink, wear skirts, wear makeup, or seek affection from other men!”

I have done all of that at one time or another. I look damn good in a skirt, by the way. Back in college, my friend, Felicia, used to always let me borrow this tight pencil skirt she had that had skulls and daggers on it that I thought made me look gladitorial. I'd wear that motherfucker right now if I had it.

“Real men don't like cats!”

Okay, I hate cats, but not because I think they're unmanly, but because I'm allergic to them.

“Real men don't like buttstuff!”

Well, I don't, but not because I think it's unmanly, but because I don't like to be touched anywhere I can't see, which means my entire back and backside. It's a weird quirk of mine, and ex lovers have definitely complained.

All of these things our toxic views of masculinity have decided men shouldn't do only become normalized when other men see men they respect doing them. That's why it's important for guys who look like me, as well as all men and women, to speak up and speak out. Men need to see guys they consider “real men” showing true self confidence and not allowing themselves to be limited by fear, insecurity, and these old outdated paradigms of masculinity that were always fucking silly and meaningless. They need to see that “real men” do not have such fragile masculinity that they are afraid to wash their own assholes because it might make them gay. Yeah. It's a thing. I wish I was making that up. They need to see that “real men” are not conquerors, bullies, and abusers, but protectors and nurturers. That they don't live in fear of being seen as feminine or gay, but proudly defy all stereotypes and dare to be themselves. 

I used to be the type of guy who worried about being perceived as unmanly or gay or whatever. But, I am too old for that. I've done too much toxic masculine bullshit in my life, from fighting on the streets to fighting for world titles to attempting arm curl records to staring down the barrel of a gun without blinking, to worry about what some other motherfucker thinks of my manhood. I have done far more manly shit than most who would dare question my manliness. I ain’t got shit left to prove. Just try to take my man-card. And I can't think of much that is less “manly” than allowing your fears and insecurities to prevent you from standing up for the rights of women and gays and the historically oppressed. That's some weak shit.

I remember my ex-wife once posted a photo of me on Fetlife cooking breakfast in the nude, and a woman who had seen the photo questioned me on it.

“Doesn't doing that make you a submissive?”

I smiled at her and leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “Nothing I do is submissive. Doing whatever I want to do, regardless of what anyone else may label it, is an act of Dominance.”

Same things goes for what's “masculine” or “manly”. If I'm doing it, it is therefore manly as fuck, even if I'm doing it in a skirt.